I Don't Understand

Once upon a time, we finished each other’s sentences but now we hardly even talk.  When we do, we usually end up at odds. I don’t understand. 

Sound familiar? 

Remember when you were dating? You couldn’t wait to see each other.  No matter how your day was going, no matter how it ended, if you were going to be together it would make everything seem superficial and unimportant. 

Date night. You would try to put everything aside, get all good-looking, with a big smile on your face, because you didn’t want anything to interrupt your time with her.  You couldn’t wait to see her smile, hear about her day and just be with her.  Well, what happened?  Is she different or are you?  Are you still putting everything aside, getting all good-looking and putting on a big smile?  Or are your days just too busy, too pressured and too much to handle? 

Guys, are you looking for your wife to rescue you?  To make everything superficial and unimportant?  

What about her? What’s her day like these days?  What’s on her mind? What has her concerned, worried or fearful? Is she looking to be rescued just like you? Are you each sitting there waiting for the other to understand?  Questions, questions and more questions? They leave us scratching our heads.

You say, “I pray about it, I pray about our marriage all the time but nothing ever changes.”  

God tells us, in 1 Peter 3:7:

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way...so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

A prerequisite for answered prayer is living with your wife in an understanding way. Not just trying to live that way, but actually living in such a way that you’re purposely looking to understand her.

The first step, is to ask God to help you change in the way you need to so that you can understand.

The second step is to listen to her, not only when she speaks but also when she holds back a comment.  Ask her how she feels about something before you are already making a decision.  Know what she likes to do and then do it with her. Turn off the TV and talk. Ask her questions about her day, her worries, her dreams and listen to understand. 

The book of James tells us to be slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to listen.  That’s a good prescription for a good conversation. Don’t fix her, understand her.  You may find out that what’s broken is you.  

So, try to put everything aside, get all good-looking, put a big smile on your face, and don’t let anything interrupt your time with her.